Saturday, 27 May 2017

Everyone was like: “You’re over 30; he’s okay, has a good job. What is your problem? Just go through with it!”

Can you leave a man you've promised marriage to at the altar? Can you damn the consequences and follow your heart at your own peril? 

This twitter user,  @Bunmi_bum_bum , did it, regardless of what anyone thought.

While revealing she regrets hurting the man, she made it clear she wasn't ready to get into a commitment she was not sure of.

She shared her experience on twitter.

 I left my man at the altar and now both his family and part of mine hate me – a thread… It was a Saturday in November 2015. It was supposed to be my wedding day. But I was still unsure. I’d been pressured to say Yes. I was sad Everyone was like: “You’re over 30; he’s okay, has a good job. What is your problem? Just go through with it!” My problem? I wasn’t happy! He’d never hit me, but I just didn’t like him like that. I asked for time.

 Everyone said: “No! You agreed, you must go through with it!”
That morning, I was crying. My mother said it’s normal. I couldn’t accept that. I felt like I was being sent to a cage. I wasn’t happy! All the fear and anxiety gave me running stomach. I locked myself in the bathroom. One hour; going on two. They said they’ll break the door. 11AM and we still hadn’t left the house for 10AM wedding. My dad asked me: Is there somebody else? I said no. He said: You want to shame us. I lied then that I loved somebody else. There was nobody but I thought that would make them agree to cancel the wedding. They still refused.

 By 11:30AM they were trying to force me into the car. My Dad’s elder sister, who had come from UK for the wedding, said: “Leave her alone!” She said I had a right to change my mind. If I didn’t want to go through with it, then I shouldn’t. Still, some family members insulted me. My Dad said I should leave his house. His sister said the house wasn’t his but their late father’s (my granddad). A big quarrel broke out.

 My Dad now said I was the one to call my husband-to-be to tell him I’d changed my mind. I agreed. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Of course they were already in church. He didn’t wait for me to finish speaking. He cut the call. I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve tried to explain that I wasn’t happy, but everybody still blames me. Some in my own family no longer speak to me. I keep to myself. End

I didn’t feel any spark in my heart for him. I was just being pressured left and right. It’s my life. It means avoiding a LOT of people and places. I’m even incognito here. 3-4 months of doubt that everyone kept saying “It’s normally like that.” Never meant to do that to anyone. I just got too scared. Like I said in another reply, everyone just chanted “Say Yes! Say Yes!” when he proposed at a public gathering. I was weak and I’m sorry. I’ve been punished enough, I think. I lost my job; lost life-long friendships; I’ve had to change cities; still I’m afraid to show my face.

Would You Do Same, if you were in her shoes?

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